4 things you can learn from the best first date of my life.

Strong attraction. Solid eye contact. Stimulating conversation. Easy, flirtatious, first date bliss.

And then… He doesn’t call.

No invitation on a(nother) magical date. No followup email or text message. Radio silence and goodbye forever.

Maybe he got a cancer diagnosis the next morning.
Maybe his ex showed up on his doorstep that night and he said yes.
Or maybe, he didn’t feel what you felt. — Bummer, I know, but it’s possible.

And even though you will more than likely never know the full reason, all is not lost. Here are 4 possible ways a first date dead-end could actually be a POSITIVE thing, that propels you forward:

1. You are not a problem to be fixed. If they were your One, they would see that.

 
It doesn’t matter if there were a couple awkward moments. Or you told a story they couldn’t relate to. Or you stuttered.

What someone else finds embarrassing, your One will find endearing. What someone else interprets as insecurity, your One will see the courage in your vulnerability. What someone else views as flighty, your One will notice your spirit of adventure and play, and be mighty aroused.

Screen Shot 2014-03-24 at 11.29.02 AMWhen someone is your One, no part of you is a turn off. It’s all ON, baby.

 
And if dude / dudette is not dialed into you, that means they’re not your One, so it’s best to stop leaking your energy to them right now.

Be grateful they didn’t linger to distract you from being available and ready for the real Mac Daddy Lover on his way.
 

2. When you take away the idea that this person could be your future baby daddy (or mama), you open up space to… have a good time.

 
Historically, this has been my Achilles heel; the reason why I’ve been mondo nervous before every first date. While I’m curling my eyelashes, the possibility that I’m about to meet my Forever Beloved Man jolts my heart into my throat. My excitement meter goes so high that I’m shaky and anxious for most of the evening.

But this time, I decided to make the train jump tracks.

Lesson #2 from my Best First Date That Did Not Turn Into A Second Date is… Before the date, set an intention.

This was my intention:

I want to have fun tonight.
I have no attachment to any future with this guy.
I just want to be fully present and enjoy his company.

And that is exactly what happened.
 

3. No one owes you an explanation for wanting what they want.

So you spent a few hours drinking wine together. Aside from that, this person is… a stranger. You don’t have a decades-long relationship. You barely met them. So why would you be entitled to knowing the inner workings of their heart and mind? Why they don’t invite you on a second date is none of your business.

This is a profound lesson in divine trust. There can be peace in the not knowing.

You can trust that Life brought them over for a few hours and then Life sent them elsewhere and that is precisely how it was supposed to be.

No obligations. No entitlement. Just faith in the cosmic dance of it all.
 

4. It wasn’t actually a date. It was a grand spiritual lesson camouflaged as a date.

 
What did you learn, what was clarified, what was highlighted by the short season of your first date with this person?

Maybe it was meant to remind you that the kind of meaningful connection and attraction you want is possible. Don’t give up! Keep your heart open. Love is REAL, baby!

Maybe it was an opportunity to work through the social anxiety or shyness that has held you back before. This date was useful practice.

Maybe the light in their eyes when they listened to you talk was the whole reason for the date. For you to witness that light in another. For you to see yourself in it. For you to know your radiance and your glory in the reflection of this dude’s cornea.

Maybe your first date was perfect, just the way it was.


 
 
PS. Share this with your dating sisters + misters.

Screen Shot 2014-03-24 at 11.29.02 AMSingle friends, read this! 4 lessons from Annika Martins’ best first date ever. http://bit.ly/1EpnZMM