Is there a habit you’ve been repeating for years that used to feel great but… not so much anymore?
A piece of clothing that was once your favorite item and now you look at it and think meh?
A relationship you used to feel nourished and energized by but now it’s mostly a drag?
Maybe it’s the city you live in, your job, a way of eating, or a long-time spiritual practice that used to fit comfortably into your life, and now, it’s just not feeling right anymore.
I know how easy it is to second-guess and intellectualize away these messages that it’s time to make a change. (I have an advanced degree in Change Avoidance.)
But the truth is, this is what real personal growth requires. Your preferences will evolve. Your clarity will open up even wider than before. Your bucket list will undergo major revisions.
Maybe no one (but you — or including you) has noticed yet, but you are… changing.
If you’re wise, you’ll surrender to it. The wise ones allow their evolution.
Even if that means opening themselves up to the pain of a relationship or job ending, or the nervous excitement of saying their dream out loud, they lean into it.
They hold the door open for their own transformation.
But the gradually-becoming-wiser ones (like me) resist, at first.
There’s been a stack of Change Requests buzzing in my internal inbox for a long time. In my relationships, in my work, in the way I eat… all over, Change has been trying to get my attention.
But I decided I wasn’t interested in the complicated, messy uncertainty of Change so I said, “Sorry, wrong number!” and slammed the phone down.
I barricaded my front door with an energetic brick wall to keep Change out. I rationalized myself away from my own evolution. Why?
Because I didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings.
Because I didn’t want to publicly say “Remember that thing I said I was gonna do? I’m not gonna do it anymore.”
Because I’d built a life’s worth of beliefs and habits on top of myself and this wave of Change was going to dismantle a lot of them.
Because Change felt so… risky.
But the thing is:
You think your brick wall is impenetrable? Okay, my friend. You just sit there and watch Mr. Change roll up his sleeves and dismantle every last brick.
This is what happens when you commit to walking a spiritual path.
Spirituality, in its purest sense, is about Truth. Coming home to the Truth of who you really are.
And for pretty much all of us, Truth with a capital T demands Change with a capital C.
Mr Change is going to keep knocking and knocking, louder and louder, until you put your hand on the door knob and just let that man in.
(Sidebar: Yes, I hear my feminist friends wondering why Change is a man. Well, because I’ve been daydreaming about the gorgeousness I stood next to at the grocery store on the weekend, so just allow me to use my male pronouns and don’t read into it too heavily.)
So, that’s what I wanted to tell you today, my bros and sistas:
Let yourself change.
It might hurt. It might be an ecstasy you’ve never known. Or both.
Your change might feel like a weight lifted, like the sweetest breeze flowing through your freshly blow-dried hair.
Or, it might shake your universe up so good and hard that things seem like they’ll never fit together properly again.
But they will.
You will grow stronger and faster and freeer and soon enough, that change will fit so snugly around your heart, you’ll think it was always there.
Open the door.
Let that gorgeous man in.
Here’s a few of the ways I’m changing:
>> A couple months ago, I publicly committed to doing solo AnnikaTV videos, but 4 videos in, it was painfully obvious: I wasn’t having fun. I missed interviewing people. I want to be a conversationalist, not a solo broadcaster.
Embracing the Change: AnnikaTV is going on hiatus (possibly, permanently). And I’m starting a podcast. weee!
>> I told hundreds of people that I was creating a digital program to guide spiritual seekers through the process of creating their own spiritual practice. I paid a designer and a developer and wrote about 60% of the content.
But, as it turns out, I was barking up the wrong tree.
A soul sister and a plate of Lebanese food helped me realize: Overt teaching doesn’t feel like my path – at least, not right now.
I’m interested in the water cooler (or cozy couch) conversation that happens after the workshop, not leading the workshop itself. I want to talk to you about the journey, shoulder to shoulder, heart to heart.
Embracing the Change: That digital program is going away, for good. Gone.
And I’m going to create a spiritual conference / sacred party event for us to hang out and have these conversations together, in person. First one will happen next year. Yessss!
And on a far more tantalizing note…
>> For my entire life, my favorite berry (which I like to pronounce as ‘burry’) has been blackberries. Or, blackburries.
Embracing the Change: A few weeks ago, I decided I now like strawberries way more. Blackberries = on pause.
>> I’ve been dreaming of building a sprawling country house with my future lover man for years (still am).
Embracing the Change: Vancouver has me seriously pondering becoming a city girl before I move out to the country for good. I’m opening to the possibility…
You are not static.
You are vibrating and pulsing into something new in every moment.
When you catch a glimpse of the Something New, and it directly contradicts the Something Old you’ve been rocking for ages:
Open the door. Drive forward.
Love you like BBQ + burries!